LL cont’

[markofkaine]

[Bad ideas. That’s what Rafael was famous for. Sometimes those bad ideas would pan out into groundbreaking technologies. Other times it would blow up spectacularly in his face - and by extension, all faces adjacent. Not that it ever stopped him from coming up with more.

This one, though. A bridge too far.

Aracha - if that really could be called his name anymore - sat, hunched over, cycling a trinket between his fingers as though in a trance. It felt like the slow, tactile motion was the only thing still keeping him grounded to reality (again, questionable). His mind was… far, far away, in a place that might not even exist anymore, lost. But more than that, alone, in a vast, empty field of deaf, silent rage. And that cold silence seeped into every crack in his brain, filling the folds of his thoughts, the hollow space in his bones, the pockets in his lungs.

He wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. He knew that now.

At some point, his fiance was going to walk through the door and find him sitting at the foot of their his bed. And one way or another, this lie would be shattered.]

Comments

[markofkaine]

[As great as the urge to throw the entire bed at Miguel is, if Kaine couldn't even so much as hide his thoughts from him, what point was there? So he just spits it out, with the force of a shove:]

You're supposed to think I'm repulsive!!

[otherspiderman]

[ He pauses, stunned. Repulsive? This guy? How could he ever be considered repulsive? He's beautiful, smart, creative... ]

What? Why?

[markofkaine]

Because I'm an abomination! A sick mockery of life that was planted on you like a parasite! I'm not a person, I'm a curse!!

[Kaine radiates with disgust for himself, his mind overflowing with one pinpoint furor: you should hate me you should hate me you should hate me

just like I hate me]

[otherspiderman]

Wh—oh my god shut your brain up for a second! You're not disgusting and you're not a shocking parasite!

[ I thought I was a monster, once. I thought I was turned into a freak. ]

You're just an asshole!

[ And I like assholes. ]

[markofkaine]

You don't know anything about being a monster!

[How could he? Miguel was the one who was as handsome as he was brilliant - he wasn't a reject lab experiment thrown away like trash. He got to call himself Spider-man. There's no way he could understand how Kaine feels.]

[otherspiderman]

[ The claws come out and his voice lowers. ]

No? Let's try something. Listen up.

[ By listen he means turn your brain ears on because he is now vividly remembering, in excruciating detail, the night he fell.

He was in the middle of a fight with a man yelling Japanese at him, but he didn't understand any of it. The man has a sword, though, and was trying to kill him; Miguel had been trying to rescue Kasey, but he's not even sure where she went. Did she get out? Does it matter?

Starting a fight inside of Alchemax was such a bad idea, but he didn't know what else to do.

The fight is excruciating. Miguel fights raw, not having any training and only a couple days with this new body. A body he still despises. A body he associates with Alchemax. He doesn't know how to use it, except to hit hard, and to hit fast.

It's not working though, Alchemax security is pouring in, and one particular man is screaming obscenities at him. But the man he's fighting ignored Alchemax, and—Miguel just wanted to get him away.

He hates fighting. He's been forced to defend himself so much lately.

But getting the man away from him isn't what happened. Instead, his claws were extended, sharper than razors, and his swipe turned lethal, slicing open the man's throat by accident.

Miguel's mind goes blank, and he tries to say he didn't mean to— until the entirety of the security force watching starts blasting him with every weapon they have. Monster, he's called. Freak, they scream. And they're right.

Maybe he's not as much of a monster as some of the people he's fought. But he felt that label to his core at that moment. ]

[markofkaine]

[Kaine gasps involuntarily as the memory invades his brain. Even of the details aren't entirely clear, he can still feel Miguel's fear, his exhaustion, desperation, loathing, shock. Blood on his hands, the need to get away, GET AWAY!

One feeling bleeds into another - the escape of a monster - creating a feedback loop of Kaine's most vivid early memory. Running for his life as he's fired upon, the walls reverberating with a voice that sounds like claws on a chalkboard, laughing, calling him a failure.

It's written in his code, he was made wrong - and now he's going to die. Because there's no place on earth for him, no future beyond joining a pile of corpses. He doesn't know life beyond this. He's not even a man but God, please, he wants to live--!

It's too much. He tears himself out of the past with a scream, pushing them both out with the equivalent of a psychic scream.

GET OUT!]

[otherspiderman]

[ Instantly he has a headache so powerful he's nauseous. How could it be, having consequences for his actions. Maybe forcing a terrible memory on someone to prove a (stupid) point to them was a bad thing to do.

Instead of focusing on that, he's groaning, grabbing his head; it's a good thing his claws automatically retract when coming into contact with his own skin, or he'd be shedding now.

Up he gets, stumbling backwards. ]

Okay, okay, I'm leaving!

[markofkaine]

[It's only when the echoes of the past start to fade and isolation returns that Kaine feels shame come back in, like the tide rushing to fill an empty space once filled by cacophony. He keeps doing this, getting emotional - overwhelmed, and lashing out. It was no wonder he wasn't fit for polite company.

But he wasn't wrong, was he?! It wasn't him that invaded Miguel's brain with traumatic, life or death memories. Fuck him, actually! He's not taking back that order, and he doesn't stop Miguel from leaving. Not with his thoughts, anyway. He's had enough of brain talk.]

...@#$& you.

[otherspiderman]

[ He already feels bad. Idiooooot. Moron. 2/2 encounters have gone to shit thanks to his big mouth and his big brain.

That said, he is leaving, muttering "yeah I know," as he does. When he processes the atrocities of this conversation, he might realize this guy's name is Kaine for real, but for now he's leaving ?Aracha? in torturous peace for awhile.

Awhile.

We still have some accursed time on this boat until disembarkation though 😃 ]

[markofkaine]

[It doesn't take very long for Kaine to realize this accursed mental link had the benefit of letting him have a vague feel for where Miguel was at all times. Which certainly came in handy for avoiding him. He never tried to think about him too hard, just in case - if this was a two way street, then surely Miguel could use it for finding him if he wanted, right? That's probably how it worked. it was not

Still, there were times his curiosity got the better of him. Kaine told himself it was to better guard against unwanted encounters, but there were days when he had nothing to do but track Miguel's location. Even if his ex didn't end up going anywhere. What was he doing? Getting drunk himself? Planning? Brooding?

It wasn't that he wanted to pry. Okay maybe he did. He just wanted to see.

And then suddenly he could. Like peering through the world through another set of eyes... only these were human sized, and not tiny little spiders.]

[otherspiderman]

[ The vision is a little dark... sunglasses. Kaine gets to look through sunglasses.

He's deep in the scheming stage right now. Miguel doesn't have a computer he can use to etch out a revenge plan on, so instead he's laying on the daybed he's claimed as an anytimebed, a lined notebook in one hand and a smudgy blue pen in the other.

There's a rough drawing of the ship, with arrows pointing at the doors that would inevitably lead off once they made land. There are brainstormed ideas like a bridge, a scrawl of the word "fang venom", and some starred vantage points that would line up with certain parts of the real ship that would be especially useful for spider parkour.

There's also a short list in the corner of the paper he's working on. It's not labeled "to-do" but it's laid out like one:

- Food for a week
- Get a map
- Apologize

His writing is terrible. Good luck reading that. ]

[markofkaine]

[Who the hell writes like this. What are you, a doctor? And it's so dark...

...Still. He can't claim that Miguel isn't serious about his revenge. Kaine might not be able to read what he's jotted down, but he can recognize the diagram of the ship. He's almost frighteningly thorough. After all that, did he still want to work together with Kaine on this? It was hard to imagine. Surely... surely he's given up on the idea.

...

How long could he spy on Miguel's brain before he catches on? Maybe... maybe if he listens a little harder.]

[otherspiderman]

[ He hasn't noticed yet because he's now muttering: ]

Now what would be the most torturous torture...

[ he has not yet given up. ]

[markofkaine]

[


He can't help himself.

Reading their minds, maybe?]

1/2

[otherspiderman]

Yeah, that's definitely terrifying enou—

2/2

[otherspiderman]

[ Tell me this is just some weird intrusive thought. ]

[markofkaine]

[A mental snort.

You wish.]

[otherspiderman]

[ Miguel's first instinct is to be like WHYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS. But... why is he doing it? Doesn't this guy shocking hate him now? Maybe he's just keeping tabs on him.

But... he did say something to him first this time. Well. He thought something to him.

Inhale.

For a second, I wished it. But it's fine now. ]

[markofkaine]

[Hmph. How generous.

Kaine didn't have a plan beyond this, though. And even that wasn't really a plan, just an impulse. He blames his genes. His 'voice' goes quiet, and for a moment it probably seems like he's disappeared, back into the darkness.

It's not like he's actually interested, he tells himself. He is just keeping tabs.

...Dumb ideas were usually Miguel's thing.]

[otherspiderman]

[ The silence is agony. It's like a hole he never knew he had is open again.

God, he's got a problem.

Trying to ignore it, he goes back to his plan; it boils down to an ambush during the ship porting, but there's intricate details, alternatives in case something goes awry, and a plan to see if his blessings still work.

But after a bit, even the distraction of work doesn't hush all of the quiet, and he thinks, to himself: come back. ]

[markofkaine]

[...come back?

Those two words carried in themselves so much heartache. Kaine wanted nothing more than to go back - back to the past, where he lived in blissful, loving ignorance. He wanted to go back to being Aracha, to belong in Rafael's arms. He wanted things to be uncomplicated.

Miguel felt it too, didn't he? He... never was good at hiding his feelings.

The silence takes on a somber feeling, somehow.

What do you want. It's less snappy this time. Morose.]

[otherspiderman]

[ He wants it so bad. Can he struggle on his own? No, he's terrible at it and stupid and fumbles all of his problems, making them worse every time. But he does, usually, do it himself.

But in so much of his heart, he was ready to make this man his confidant in everything. It's as if he learned from the mistakes of a past that had no bearing on this fake, Rafael.

It's a bit ironic, that he ruins two engagements. Even if one was written in pencil.

Your name... you think it's a curse, right? ]

[markofkaine]

[On reflex he wants to throw the words back in his face (in his mind?) - after all, what would Miguel know about it? But then it crosses his mind… how did Miguel know about it at all? In retrospect, he’d never given Miguel his name at all. Not that he could recall, anyway. Kaine was quite sure of his own petulance and uncooperativeness.

How much was this “””connection””” giving away to Miguel?

There’s caution, even indignance colouring his thoughts.

And how do YOU know about my name…?]

[otherspiderman]

[ He was soooo petulant! Imagine giving your ex your name! What a wild concept!

In retrospect, he didn't need confirmation. He knew, deep down, ever since that nightmare; he knew his name, and the name he gave him, and how he felt about it. A sigh escapes him, and he ends up staring at the ceiling of the little gazebo he's called home these last few nights.

I think we're connected. Even when we're asleep.

It means there's no safe place from each other. Even if he wanted to give this man a world of space (a thought that briefly aches), he's not sure how possible it is now. Would he still hear every thought if he were a thousand miles away? Could he turn it off? Does he want to? Couldn't he use this as an easy way to stay close to him?

Miguel doesn't love that, but he doesn't love anything else, either. ]