LL cont’

[markofkaine]

[Bad ideas. That’s what Rafael was famous for. Sometimes those bad ideas would pan out into groundbreaking technologies. Other times it would blow up spectacularly in his face - and by extension, all faces adjacent. Not that it ever stopped him from coming up with more.

This one, though. A bridge too far.

Aracha - if that really could be called his name anymore - sat, hunched over, cycling a trinket between his fingers as though in a trance. It felt like the slow, tactile motion was the only thing still keeping him grounded to reality (again, questionable). His mind was… far, far away, in a place that might not even exist anymore, lost. But more than that, alone, in a vast, empty field of deaf, silent rage. And that cold silence seeped into every crack in his brain, filling the folds of his thoughts, the hollow space in his bones, the pockets in his lungs.

He wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. He knew that now.

At some point, his fiance was going to walk through the door and find him sitting at the foot of their his bed. And one way or another, this lie would be shattered.]

Comments

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[intelligent]

[ why am I being SEEN. he is... so tempted to just dive out the window and see what follows. he could do that. he's an adult who makes good choices he could just GO FOR IT...

anyway, kind of fondly: ]

Have I ever told you that you're a pain in the ass?

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[markofkaine]

[miguel honey you've never made a good choice in your life]

I thought you liked those.

[okay that's a leading question. he KNOWS he likes those.

maybe he's just fishing for miguel to tell him that.]

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[intelligent]

[ hey ]

...yeah. I do.

[ whoever wrote the memories in his head... they picked the right kind of person for him. ]

Even Dana was kind of... ]

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[markofkaine]

[A TWINGE OF JEALOUSY???]

Who's Dana?

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[intelligent]

[ There's a pause. He shouldn't have ment... no, he didn't mention her, he thought about it instead. But for this guy, that's one and the same, thanks to mind-reading.

...the bed shifts slightly; he's leaning his elbow down, and exhaling slowly. ]

My first fiancee. She's been gone [ dead! ] a long time now, though.

[ It feels even longer now, now that he thinks about it; there's a whole extra thirty years in his head that she's missing from. ]

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[markofkaine]

[...Gone. Even if the grief isn't forefront in Miguel's mind anymore, it still stands like a beacon to Kaine. Another fiance, another life ago. More ghosts to compare himself to, from his pit of self doubt. He got over her, he survived - so, surely he would survive Aracha.

Aracha wasn't even real.

Kaine curls up a little tighter, feeling guilty and ugly. What kind of monster was jealous of a dead woman? With great reluctance, he tightens his jaw and grinds out a sullen mutter,]

Sorry.

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[intelligent]

[ The urge to reach out, wind his arms around him, bury his face into the back of his neck—it pops up, saddled with the same old wounds. He hurt her, too. He didn't want to be alone then. He doesn't want to be alone now. ]

Yeah. Me too.

[ Really, most people don't deserve death, but she especially didn't. He doesn't deserve sympathy for her. He doesn't deserve sympathy for what happened to him and Tempest, and he probably doesn't deserve it for the story that was implanted in him.

But oh my god, does he ever want to hold him right now. ]

I made a lot of mistakes with her. [ And then, breaking up his monotony just a little, with a short huff that might be some kind of humourless laugh: ] Made one of them as "Rafael" too, apparently. He should've asked you to move in with him.

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[markofkaine]

[Miguel wanted to hold him. Kaine wanted to let him. What a sick game this was, that they were being tortured with. (Torturing themselves with?) All their mistakes, the things they never did. Wasn’t it kinder that they didn’t happen? Bad enough that they had to deal with all the things that did. To pile even more attachment onto that was just cruel.

…Still, it tugs at his imagination. Just another way of licking his wounds, with wishful daydreams instead of brooding.

He still wasn’t looking at him. But he does turn slightly. Not enough to be fully rolled over on his back, but like - enough that he can stare at the ceiling. Towards whatever twisted God let all this happen.]

…Maybe he should’ve.

Re: THE SECRET FOURTH ONE

[intelligent]

[ A deep breath. Then another. He shouldn't keep going with this, but. It feels like he's putting a bandage on an infected wound—and rather than doing the sensible thing, he's taking it. ]

That apartment was too big for one person. It would have been perfect for two guys and a cat.

[ He's remembering how it was on that accursed boat; how a couple nights sleeping next to Aracha became weeks, months—and through the times of blanket stealing, he enjoyed how natural it was. ]