comicshavefailedme | LL cont’

LL cont’

[Bad ideas. That’s what Rafael was famous for. Sometimes those bad ideas would pan out into groundbreaking technologies. Other times it would blow up spectacularly in his face - and by extension, all faces adjacent. Not that it ever stopped him from coming up with more.

This one, though. A bridge too far.

Aracha - if that really could be called his name anymore - sat, hunched over, cycling a trinket between his fingers as though in a trance. It felt like the slow, tactile motion was the only thing still keeping him grounded to reality (again, questionable). His mind was… far, far away, in a place that might not even exist anymore, lost. But more than that, alone, in a vast, empty field of deaf, silent rage. And that cold silence seeped into every crack in his brain, filling the folds of his thoughts, the hollow space in his bones, the pockets in his lungs.

He wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. He knew that now.

At some point, his fiance was going to walk through the door and find him sitting at the foot of ~~their~~ his bed. And one way or another, this lie would be shattered.]

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[It's only when the echoes of the past start to fade and isolation returns that Kaine feels shame come back in, like the tide rushing to fill an empty space once filled by cacophony. He keeps doing this, getting emotional - overwhelmed, and lashing out. It was no wonder he wasn't fit for polite company.

But he wasn't wrong, was he?! It wasn't him that invaded Miguel's brain with traumatic, life or death memories. Fuck him, actually! He's not taking back that order, and he doesn't stop Miguel from leaving. Not with his thoughts, anyway. He's had enough of brain talk.]

...@#$& you.

[ He already feels bad. Idiooooot. Moron. 2/2 encounters have gone to shit thanks to his big mouth and his big brain.

That said, he is leaving, muttering "yeah I know," as he does. When he processes the atrocities of this conversation, he might realize this guy's name is Kaine for real, but for now he's leaving ?Aracha? in torturous peace for awhile.

Awhile.

We still have some accursed time on this boat until disembarkation though 😃 ]

[It doesn't take very long for Kaine to realize this accursed mental link had the benefit of letting him have a vague feel for where Miguel was at all times. Which certainly came in handy for avoiding him. He never tried to think about him too hard, just in case - if this was a two way street, then surely Miguel could use it for finding him if he wanted, right? That's probably how it worked. ~~it was not~~

Still, there were times his curiosity got the better of him. Kaine told himself it was to better guard against unwanted encounters, but there were days when he had nothing to do but track Miguel's location. Even if his ex didn't end up going anywhere. What was he doing? Getting drunk himself? Planning? Brooding?

It wasn't that he wanted to pry. Okay maybe he did. He just wanted to see.

And then suddenly he could. Like peering through the world through another set of eyes... only these were human sized, and not tiny little spiders.]

[ The vision is a little dark... sunglasses. Kaine gets to look through sunglasses.

He's deep in the scheming stage right now. Miguel doesn't have a computer he can use to etch out a revenge plan on, so instead he's laying on the daybed he's claimed as an anytimebed, a lined notebook in one hand and a smudgy blue pen in the other.

There's a rough drawing of the ship, with arrows pointing at the doors that would inevitably lead off once they made land. There are brainstormed ideas like a bridge, a scrawl of the word "fang venom", and some starred vantage points that would line up with certain parts of the real ship that would be especially useful for spider parkour.

There's also a short list in the corner of the paper he's working on. It's not labeled "to-do" but it's laid out like one:

- Food for a week
- Get a map
- Apologize

His writing is terrible. Good luck reading that. ]

Edited 2024-12-07 09:02 (UTC)

[Who the hell writes like this. What are you, a doctor? And it's so dark...

...Still. He can't claim that Miguel isn't serious about his revenge. Kaine might not be able to read what he's jotted down, but he can recognize the diagram of the ship. He's almost frighteningly thorough. After all that, did he still want to work together with Kaine on this? It was hard to imagine. Surely... surely he's given up on the idea.

...

How long could he spy on Miguel's brain before he catches on? Maybe... maybe if he listens a little harder.]

[ He hasn't noticed yet because he's now muttering: ]

Now what would be the most torturous torture...

[ he has not yet given up. ]

[

He can't help himself.

Reading their minds, maybe?]

Yeah, that's definitely terrifying enou—

[ Tell me this is just some weird intrusive thought. ]

[A mental snort.

You wish.]

[ Miguel's first instinct is to be like WHYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS. But... why is he doing it? Doesn't this guy shocking hate him now? Maybe he's just keeping tabs on him.

But... he did say something to him first this time. Well. He thought something to him.

Inhale.

For a second, I wished it. But it's fine now. ]

[Hmph. How generous.

Kaine didn't have a plan beyond this, though. And even that wasn't really a plan, just an impulse. He blames his genes. His 'voice' goes quiet, and for a moment it probably seems like he's disappeared, back into the darkness.

It's not like he's actually interested, he tells himself. He is just keeping tabs.

...Dumb ideas were usually Miguel's thing.]

[ The silence is agony. It's like a hole he never knew he had is open again.

God, he's got a problem.

Trying to ignore it, he goes back to his plan; it boils down to an ambush during the ship porting, but there's intricate details, alternatives in case something goes awry, and a plan to see if his blessings still work.

But after a bit, even the distraction of work doesn't hush all of the quiet, and he thinks, to himself: come back. ]

[...come back?

Those two words carried in themselves so much heartache. Kaine wanted nothing more than to go back - back to the past, where he lived in blissful, loving ignorance. He wanted to go back to being Aracha, to belong in Rafael's arms. He wanted things to be uncomplicated.

Miguel felt it too, didn't he? He... never was good at hiding his feelings.

The silence takes on a somber feeling, somehow.

What do you want. It's less snappy this time. Morose.]

[ He wants it so bad. Can he struggle on his own? No, he's terrible at it and stupid and fumbles all of his problems, making them worse every time. But he does, usually, do it himself.

But in so much of his heart, he was ready to make this man his confidant in everything. It's as if he learned from the mistakes of a past that had no bearing on this fake, Rafael.

It's a bit ironic, that he ruins two engagements. Even if one was written in pencil.

Your name... you think it's a curse, right? ]

[On reflex he wants to throw the words back in his face (in his mind?) - after all, what would Miguel know about it? But then it crosses his mind… how did Miguel know about it at all? In retrospect, he’d never given Miguel his name at all. Not that he could recall, anyway. Kaine was quite sure of his own petulance and uncooperativeness.

How much was this “””connection””” giving away to Miguel?

There’s caution, even indignance colouring his thoughts.

And how do YOU know about my name…?]

[ He was soooo petulant! Imagine giving your ex your name! What a wild concept!

In retrospect, he didn't need confirmation. He knew, deep down, ever since that nightmare; he knew his name, and the name he gave him, and how he felt about it. A sigh escapes him, and he ends up staring at the ceiling of the little gazebo he's called home these last few nights.

I think we're connected. Even when we're asleep.

It means there's no safe place from each other. Even if he wanted to give this man a world of space (a thought that briefly aches), he's not sure how possible it is now. Would he still hear every thought if he were a thousand miles away? Could he turn it off? Does he want to? Couldn't he use this as an easy way to stay close to him?

Miguel doesn't love that, but he doesn't love anything else, either. ]

[Even when we're...

asleep...

......

What was this feeling bubbling up inside him? Fear? Horror that even the most private corners of his mind weren't safe anymore? Or maybe, more painfully, it was something resembling relief. That he had something else to blame for the weakness he felt. That sliver wedged in an unreachable part of his heart that did want to be Aracha again, poisoning him with shame.

He already knew Kaine's name. What other secrets had already exposed themselves? Those wicked, selfish thoughts... Give in. Take me back. I'll be anything you want, just to stop feeling so empty. Love me, even though I'm unloveable.

The possiblity that he'd been brought so low before this man... Kaine could not endure it. His mental 'voice' cracks and trembled as he borders on the edge of hysteria.

How much.

How... much have you seen.]

[ He's quiet for a long moment, even though his emotions aren't. The realization that this means there's truly nothing private between them now, that there really isn't anywhere to retreat to—he feels bad that this is a two-way street. While on this accursed boat, this guy couldn't escape Miguel like he wanted to.

He'd been chasing after him, but now there's no end. Miguel is trapped in here with Kaine, and Kaine is trapped in here with Miguel.

...the emotion is probably sympathy; an emotion that has taken such a beating throughout his life that it's hard to identify. Nobody who knows him would describe him that way. Nobody who knows him would have an entire second life injected into their brain, either.

There was a sewer. ]

[A huge and undisguised feeling wells up inside him, like a screech, like a huge feral animal clawing at the bars of its cage - oscillating between I WANT TO KILL YOU and I NEED TO DIE. Existing hurt too much. His skin felt too tight and there was nothing to hold all of him in.

He doesn't want to know where Ra-- Miguel is anymore! He doesn't want to know anything! He just wants to be gone.

The connection shuts off suddenly, a metaphorical fist smashing through the brain telephone. Maybe the telepathic link's not on all the time?]

[ The silence that follows that mental outburst is... cold. He feels stupid; does he want it or not?

The answer, of course, is to smack his notes into his face with a loud groan. And for a shameful amount of time, this is how he stays.

Minutes turn into hours. Daylight turns into a cool blanket of darkness, only for the dreaded sun to creep back into view hours later, accompanied by a short message on the phones of all participants of this "game": Tonight we will be reaching our destination.

He considers responding to the message with a "screw you", reconsiders that... and then sends that anyway. The plan is as ready as it'll ever be—that is to say, the plan is that he's going to have to wing it alone. He can't ask anything of Kaine anymore. He doesn't deserve that. ]

[Ara--Kaine almost smashed his phone again when he got a notification. All thoughts of plans or revenge went completely out the window in favour of wallowing in a dark mire of his gross, miserable thoughts. Half of it spent smashing things and half of it curled up on the roof of the ship.

Tonight we will be reaching our destination slammed reality back into focus. This ship was still their prison, and soon they'd be set loose. To whatever chaos that would ensue...

...Miguel had a plan. He wanted revenge.

And having stewed for several days in his own loathing, Kaine's common sense was beginning to curdle.

He wanted to hurt someone, preferably the source of his misery. And, failing that, he wanted to be hurt, so at least his pain had a real source instead of his existential failure to be a person.

But if it meant coordinating with Miguel... Goddammit. Kaine did not want to.

What if he just. Shadowed Miguel and copy his plan. Because he definitely hadn't come up with any kind of plan of his own. Miguel had surely still worked on the plan because Rafael would've too-- he aborts that line of thought.

Time to hunt down a spider.]

[ The first stage of his "I'm actually just going to wing this in the end, aren't I?" plan is to find where the disembarkation happens on the outside of the ship. And place spider-shaped bombs underneath it. He's probably not going to use these—too much of a risk of hurting an innocent. But just in case...

The second is to gather all of the items he's won during his time as Rafael, to comb over them for possible use: a dagger that when used, reveals secrets of the victim. A piece of parchment that reveals a path to moderate success when ink is spilled on it. A rose that makes anyone who sniffs it sleepy. The photo of his brother. A shiny orb that should have a brief moment of protection magic left in it.

Nothing that will give him an immediate, perfect way out. But that's fine; improvisation is key. And maybe it being simple would feel worse; he wants to really dig his fangs into something right about now.

Miguel's "leaning" on the outer wall of the ship, out of sight to people who aren't bad spiders, holding himself up with the claws in his feet firmly lodged into the metal, with everything but the photo in a bag that hands off of his elbow. ]

[When Kaine spots Miguel, he instinctively keeps his distance. Fuck. FUCK! Somehow, he didn't anticipate the surge of emotion in his chest when he saw Miguel again - no matter how obvious in hindsight - and suddenly his heart had jumped up into his throat, growing swollen and lodged like a stone. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. But Things Were Happening and he couldn't waste time...!

What was the plan, anyway? From what it looked like, Miguel had a bunch of stuff given as prizes... was that it? He was just gonna use the Showrunner's items against them? They're FROM the boat, they probably wouldn't even work on their true creators!

You can't possibly be stupid enough t'think that'd work, slips out too fast for Kaine to catch himself.]

[ Nothing can stop the bloom of warmth in his chest when he "heard" the voice in his head. A voice associated with everything happy and beloved.

It'd be great if they did, but it's fine if they don't.

If he can get close enough... maybe they'll let him if they think he can't hurt them with these things. ]

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