comicshavefailedme | LL cont’

LL cont’

[Bad ideas. That’s what Rafael was famous for. Sometimes those bad ideas would pan out into groundbreaking technologies. Other times it would blow up spectacularly in his face - and by extension, all faces adjacent. Not that it ever stopped him from coming up with more.

This one, though. A bridge too far.

Aracha - if that really could be called his name anymore - sat, hunched over, cycling a trinket between his fingers as though in a trance. It felt like the slow, tactile motion was the only thing still keeping him grounded to reality (again, questionable). His mind was… far, far away, in a place that might not even exist anymore, lost. But more than that, alone, in a vast, empty field of deaf, silent rage. And that cold silence seeped into every crack in his brain, filling the folds of his thoughts, the hollow space in his bones, the pockets in his lungs.

He wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. None of this was real. He knew that now.

At some point, his fiance was going to walk through the door and find him sitting at the foot of ~~their~~ his bed. And one way or another, this lie would be shattered.]

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[ He was soooo petulant! Imagine giving your ex your name! What a wild concept!

In retrospect, he didn't need confirmation. He knew, deep down, ever since that nightmare; he knew his name, and the name he gave him, and how he felt about it. A sigh escapes him, and he ends up staring at the ceiling of the little gazebo he's called home these last few nights.

I think we're connected. Even when we're asleep.

It means there's no safe place from each other. Even if he wanted to give this man a world of space (a thought that briefly aches), he's not sure how possible it is now. Would he still hear every thought if he were a thousand miles away? Could he turn it off? Does he want to? Couldn't he use this as an easy way to stay close to him?

Miguel doesn't love that, but he doesn't love anything else, either. ]

[Even when we're...

asleep...

......

What was this feeling bubbling up inside him? Fear? Horror that even the most private corners of his mind weren't safe anymore? Or maybe, more painfully, it was something resembling relief. That he had something else to blame for the weakness he felt. That sliver wedged in an unreachable part of his heart that did want to be Aracha again, poisoning him with shame.

He already knew Kaine's name. What other secrets had already exposed themselves? Those wicked, selfish thoughts... Give in. Take me back. I'll be anything you want, just to stop feeling so empty. Love me, even though I'm unloveable.

The possiblity that he'd been brought so low before this man... Kaine could not endure it. His mental 'voice' cracks and trembled as he borders on the edge of hysteria.

How much.

How... much have you seen.]

[ He's quiet for a long moment, even though his emotions aren't. The realization that this means there's truly nothing private between them now, that there really isn't anywhere to retreat to—he feels bad that this is a two-way street. While on this accursed boat, this guy couldn't escape Miguel like he wanted to.

He'd been chasing after him, but now there's no end. Miguel is trapped in here with Kaine, and Kaine is trapped in here with Miguel.

...the emotion is probably sympathy; an emotion that has taken such a beating throughout his life that it's hard to identify. Nobody who knows him would describe him that way. Nobody who knows him would have an entire second life injected into their brain, either.

There was a sewer. ]

[A huge and undisguised feeling wells up inside him, like a screech, like a huge feral animal clawing at the bars of its cage - oscillating between I WANT TO KILL YOU and I NEED TO DIE. Existing hurt too much. His skin felt too tight and there was nothing to hold all of him in.

He doesn't want to know where Ra-- Miguel is anymore! He doesn't want to know anything! He just wants to be gone.

The connection shuts off suddenly, a metaphorical fist smashing through the brain telephone. Maybe the telepathic link's not on all the time?]

[ The silence that follows that mental outburst is... cold. He feels stupid; does he want it or not?

The answer, of course, is to smack his notes into his face with a loud groan. And for a shameful amount of time, this is how he stays.

Minutes turn into hours. Daylight turns into a cool blanket of darkness, only for the dreaded sun to creep back into view hours later, accompanied by a short message on the phones of all participants of this "game": Tonight we will be reaching our destination.

He considers responding to the message with a "screw you", reconsiders that... and then sends that anyway. The plan is as ready as it'll ever be—that is to say, the plan is that he's going to have to wing it alone. He can't ask anything of Kaine anymore. He doesn't deserve that. ]

[Ara--Kaine almost smashed his phone again when he got a notification. All thoughts of plans or revenge went completely out the window in favour of wallowing in a dark mire of his gross, miserable thoughts. Half of it spent smashing things and half of it curled up on the roof of the ship.

Tonight we will be reaching our destination slammed reality back into focus. This ship was still their prison, and soon they'd be set loose. To whatever chaos that would ensue...

...Miguel had a plan. He wanted revenge.

And having stewed for several days in his own loathing, Kaine's common sense was beginning to curdle.

He wanted to hurt someone, preferably the source of his misery. And, failing that, he wanted to be hurt, so at least his pain had a real source instead of his existential failure to be a person.

But if it meant coordinating with Miguel... Goddammit. Kaine did not want to.

What if he just. Shadowed Miguel and copy his plan. Because he definitely hadn't come up with any kind of plan of his own. Miguel had surely still worked on the plan because Rafael would've too-- he aborts that line of thought.

Time to hunt down a spider.]

[ The first stage of his "I'm actually just going to wing this in the end, aren't I?" plan is to find where the disembarkation happens on the outside of the ship. And place spider-shaped bombs underneath it. He's probably not going to use these—too much of a risk of hurting an innocent. But just in case...

The second is to gather all of the items he's won during his time as Rafael, to comb over them for possible use: a dagger that when used, reveals secrets of the victim. A piece of parchment that reveals a path to moderate success when ink is spilled on it. A rose that makes anyone who sniffs it sleepy. The photo of his brother. A shiny orb that should have a brief moment of protection magic left in it.

Nothing that will give him an immediate, perfect way out. But that's fine; improvisation is key. And maybe it being simple would feel worse; he wants to really dig his fangs into something right about now.

Miguel's "leaning" on the outer wall of the ship, out of sight to people who aren't bad spiders, holding himself up with the claws in his feet firmly lodged into the metal, with everything but the photo in a bag that hands off of his elbow. ]

[When Kaine spots Miguel, he instinctively keeps his distance. Fuck. FUCK! Somehow, he didn't anticipate the surge of emotion in his chest when he saw Miguel again - no matter how obvious in hindsight - and suddenly his heart had jumped up into his throat, growing swollen and lodged like a stone. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. But Things Were Happening and he couldn't waste time...!

What was the plan, anyway? From what it looked like, Miguel had a bunch of stuff given as prizes... was that it? He was just gonna use the Showrunner's items against them? They're FROM the boat, they probably wouldn't even work on their true creators!

You can't possibly be stupid enough t'think that'd work, slips out too fast for Kaine to catch himself.]

[ Nothing can stop the bloom of warmth in his chest when he "heard" the voice in his head. A voice associated with everything happy and beloved.

It'd be great if they did, but it's fine if they don't.

If he can get close enough... maybe they'll let him if they think he can't hurt them with these things. ]

[Ignore the sudden warmth. Ignore it. (He is not successful in ignoring it. Suddenly the thought of Miguel getting hurt on this suicide mission makes him feel sick. The only person who's ever been resembling happy to hear from him...)

If these prizes aren't the plan, then what is? Kaine's eyes narrow in suspicion, even from afar.

Then what IS this idiotic plan?]

[ He wants to see him. He wants to see him so badly.

...

Not telling. Even if I had the best idea in the world, you'd say it was bad. ]

[That longing tugs at his heart as keenly as it would Miguel's hand on his own. He tries to counter the helpless feeling with a biting thought.

Of close I would. You're gonna get yourself killed.]

[ He can't remember the last time they've been separated this long. Maybe when they were dating—a time that never existed. Just like how this separation is fake (someone is in someone else's head) (and it hasn't been THAT long, he's just dramatic.)

Don't you want me dead half of the time already? ]

[It shouldn't sting, but it does - just a little. Always lashing out, never normal. He's worried, goddammit. Don't use his words spoken in anger against him.

If it gets Miguel to not be so fucking reckless... a small thought, muttered out in a secret corner of his brain,

I don't want you dead, asshat.]

[

uggHHHH YOU!!

I'll be okay. If I die stupidly, go home and complain about me to Dr. Strange. ]

[You think I'M someone who talks to Dr. Strange?

Laughable. First of all, he'd be kicked out on his ass. Second, he'd be arrested.

Kaine grits his teeth, forcing himself again to admit the thing he really didn't want to admit. He had to shake some sense into him, somehow.

...I don't wanna watch you die either, stupid.]

[ Look. Stranges do strange things.

...I know. I know you dont. But if there's no stupid plan, then what? I walk off this boat and never look back?

I'm not good at that last part.

He can, has, and will again, run from all of his woes; forgetting them is another matter. ]

[You should. Just run and forget about all this.

There's a guilt tinging his thoughts as he thinks them. That's the smart thing to do, he knows it. Maybe, just this once, he wants Miguel to actually listen - that way he'd fucking live.]

[ Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. And then,

Would you run too? ]

[Maybe he wouldn't normally form the connection, but. Rafael's tenderness echoes in the space between Miguel's words. A longing in the emptiness. A shape called Aracha.

Are you asking me t'come with you?]

[ No. Maybe? Maybe no. Maybe yes.

It's more the latter. ]

[A part of him wants to curl up and die.

You're still a terrible liar.]

[ I know—hey wait, you're cheating since you can literally read my mind. ]

[Huff! My point stands.]

[ I can lie with my voice mostly good enough, thanks.

The only person worse at a secret identity than Miguel is Kaine— ]

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